The Homes Page 3

  Usually I am delighted to be away from the Homes; today I am missing it, everything is going on and I am stuck here desperate to get back.

  When the bell goes, I rush to the train station and make an earlier train than usual. At the bus stop by the station I see one of the older boys who also comes from the Homes. Usually he travels with his friend, Ronnie – I have never seen him alone before, and that makes me brave. I ask him if he knows anything about Jane. It turns out I know a little more than him, so he is interested. I tell him Jane Denton used to live in our house but left when I was about six and she must have been nine. I have never spoken to him before but because of this we have a reason to talk.

  His name is Daniel and he is fifteen. I’ve always thought him and Ronnie are super smart. I try not to bother them, and stay out of their way when we are on the bus, but this is different now; this is an emergency.

  We talk on the bus on the way back and when we get off he says, ‘Bye’. He’s never said ‘hi’ or ‘bye’ to me in my life, but it seems normal because of the situation.

  I sprint to my cottage and he to his. It has been the most exciting day the Homes has ever seen and I’ve missed most of it.

  I get into the house and I can’t see Jonesy. I rush upstairs and she isn’t in our bedroom and neither are the other girls. I go down to the kitchen and Cook says they are away over near the church so I turn and run there as fast as I can.

  *

  When I find them, they are in a huddle by the small group of trees at the bottom of the path that leads up the hill to the church. I am out of breath when I get there.

  ‘What do you know?’ I say, panting like crazy.

  But they don’t seem to know any more than they did this morning, though Jonesy was happy to recite it again, that Jane Denton’s body was found in the woods behind Cottage 12. She had been stabbed in the face, in the throat, the legs, the chest. Her hands and fingers were also cut, showing that she had put up a fight to protect herself.

  ‘Whit was she doing in the woods?’ I ask.

  ‘I dinnae know?’ says Jonesy, as if I have offended her.

  ‘Just askin’,’ I say. ‘Do they know how long she had been deid, like when she was killed?’

  ‘I dinnae know, but the last time anyone saw her was yesterday dinnertime, so it could have been anytime between then and this morning.’

  ‘Well it wouldnae have been this morning, would it?’ says Shona. ‘No one gets up and stabs someone before breakfast. It would have had to have been last night.’

  ‘Why’d you say that?’ says Pam.

  ‘Cos if it was in the afternoon someone would have found her body before, right? If it’d been in the evening or at night, that’s why she’s been there a bit.’

  ‘So where was she all afternoon, then?’

  ‘I dinnae know, I’m no a psychic,’ she says, as if we’re blaming her.

  I keep thinking of more questions but there is no one to ask. Did Jane know the person who killed her or was it a stranger? I don’t know about the others, but I feel scared and at the same time excited.

  We don’t know where we should go. Should we go back to the cottage, or go to the woods where the body was? They have taken the body away but apparently there are police still up there. Someone said there were journalists at the front gates of the Homes trying to get kids to speak to them.

  There are other groups of kids dotted around the grounds: groups of four or five, all doing the same as us and speculating. There are no boys playing football anywhere. The boys always play football until they are told to come in but Jane’s death seems to have stopped them.

  The minister, Mr Samson, comes out of the church to talk to Mr Sharples, who is pushing a wheelbarrow. We watch them talk for a while, then Mr Sharples leaves. We look up the hill to see what Mr Samson is going to do, whether he is going to invite us into the church to offer some words of wisdom or try to explain it to us, which he usually does if something bad happens. In the end he tells us all to go back to our cottages as standing around gossiping won’t help anyone.

  This isn’t gossiping. Gossiping is talking about if this girl likes that boy. Someone is dead at the Homes. I don’t say that, of course. He may be a man of God, but the minister is not averse to someone getting the belt. Not that he does it himself. He tells the Super or your house-father and you get it a day or two later. ‘A belting from God,’ Jonesy calls it. Once I came home and Jonesy was walking funny. ‘Whit’s wrong with you?’ I said.

  ‘Got a message from God,’ she said.

  ‘Oh aye, what’s he say?’

  ‘No talking in the pews,’ she said, and pulled down her skirt to show me her red raw behind.

  8

  The following morning all the children in the Homes are called to the Central Hall.

  The whole Homes only ever gets together once a year, for Christmas. The Central Hall is the only place big enough for us all to fit at the same time, and even there there’s so many of us you can’t sit down, so we all have to stand.

  We get told this is happening at breakfast, and get led across to Central Hall by Mrs Paterson.

  It means me and the others who go to the grammar school will be late.

  Me and Jonesy walk hand in hand. ‘It’s about Jane, it’s got to be about Jane,’ she says.

  ‘Of course it’s about her,’ I reply. I squeeze her hand. I feel bad again that this is exciting.

  We get in the Central Hall and some of the adults are shouting, ‘Wee yins at the front, big yins at the back.’

  Me and Jonesy are sort of middle yins, so we pick a spot in the centre. Jonesy spots Kelly McDowell, who comes and joins us with a new girl who looks dead scraggy. Jonesy hangs out with Kelly at school as they are in the same class and she is probably her best school friend, not best house friend or best friend-friend like I am. Kelly’s in Cottage 2 and the messy girl is probably from there too. I’m glad she’s not in Cottage 5 as she looks like she might have fleas because she keeps scratching.

  There’s a lot of chat going on. Everyone is talking when Mr Gordon gets up on stage. The Superintendent says nothing, and then, in a second, the room goes quiet. He need do nothing up there. Eight hundred kids and silence, it’s amazing. They are as scared of him as I am.

  Jonesy squeezes my hand again and I squeeze back.

  He doesn’t shout, he just talks, but he talks loudly and clearly, so everyone in the hall can hear.

  ‘Right, I am sure you are all aware of what happened yesterday. It is a sad, sad day for everyone here, and I am sure for you, and those who knew Jane closely. Our number-one aim here at the Homes is to keep you safe, to get you a good education and learn the teachings of the Lord. But keeping you safe is first, second and third on our list of things to do.

  ‘This is our responsibility, but we also need your help. We need you to look out for each other, and we need you to tell us, and in particular to tell your houseparents, when you suspect someone may be in trouble.

  ‘With this in mind, I have brought Eadie Schaffer to come and talk to you. Many of you may know her—’

  Jonesy gives me another squeeze. ‘You know her, you know her!’

  ‘She works as a psychologist to the Homes so if any of you have any problems, she is here for you to talk to should you need it. And she wants to talk to you this morning, so be quiet while I bring her up on stage.’

  There’s a murmur in the hall. The Super turns to look at everyone and the murmuring stops.

  Eadie comes on stage wearing a dark blue jacket and blue skirt with a cream blouse. Her hair is tied back. She’s quite young to be so important.

  I have to go to see her every once in a while. They like to keep track of me. They never tell me why, but Jonesy says it’s because I’m freakishly clever and they have to keep an extra special eye on the freaks. I’ve never asked why she does it, but it’s really nice to talk to her, she’s super-super smart.

  I go on Saturday mornings, or in the week after I get back from school. My school only does Monday to Friday. The one at the Homes has religious education on Saturday morning, so when everyone goes to that, I go and see Eadie. I can call her Eadie and she doesn’t mind; actually, she says she prefers it.

  We talk about anything. There’s nothing I am not allowed to talk about, which is great as if there’s anyone annoying me I can just complain to her for half an hour, or longer if there’s no one to follow afterwards. In fact I don’t even have to talk. One time I was having trouble with my homework and it was worrying me, and she said to run home and get it and we would go through it together. It was great. She is great.

  ‘Good morning, children. Some of you may know me, some of you may not. I am the psychologist dedicated to the Homes. My job here is to help you if there is anything bothering you, particularly in relation to your thoughts or feelings. I wanted to talk to you this morning about what happened here yesterday. Now obviously what happened to Jane Denton will have been a terrible shock to you all. It was a cruel and devastating act that is very hard to come to terms with.

  ‘Many of you will be having strange feelings that you may never have had before, feelings of loss and of sadness. This was a tragic event that happened to someone we know and where we live. What I wanted to say to you is that if you need to talk to me, or any of the houseparents, we are here to help you, all you need to do is ask. We are here to listen, and we are here to support you.

  ‘My office is on the second floor of the hospital building, about a hundred yards up from the front entrance for those who have never been. If you want to just turn up you are welcome to do so; you may have to wait, but I will see you. Or you can ask your houseparents to make an appointment for you.’

  ‘She’s so nice,’ whispers Jonesy. Others st
art whispering too, and the murmuring gets increasingly loud.

  The Super gets back up on the stage. His face is twitching with menace, he looks at us like we are small insects that he hates, but even though he hates us it’s his job to protect us, so that is what he has to do.

  This time he doesn’t use his powers. ‘QUIET!’ he calls out.

  We go quiet again.

  ‘Now remember what has been said. Keep safe, keep vigilant, and most importantly, keep together. An incident like this is terrible but it is also incredibly rare and whilst I do not wish you to be scared, I do need you to be careful. We will leave the hall two rows at a time. Mr Reynolds will let you out from the back. No pushing – I SAID, NO PUSHING.’

  We wait our turn to get let out. It takes about ten minutes until we are all outside.

  ‘So you talk to her every week? She seems amazing,’ says Jonesy.

  ‘She is. You should talk to her. You go in there, talk to her and then come out feelin’ so much better.’

  ‘Aye, I might,’ she says, ‘even if it is just to get out of RE.’

  ‘I’ve told her all about you.’

  ‘She knows about me?’

  ‘Aye, of course she does, you’re mah best pal so we often talk about you.’

  ‘What does she say?’

  ‘Nuthin’, she just listens.’

  ‘She doesn’t tell you what to do?’

  ‘Nuh, we work out what to do together.’

  Jonesy and I walk back to Cottage 5. We walk in silence until Jonesy says, ‘I can’t get the sight of her out of my heid. Every time I close my eyes I see her body covered in blood. I’m scared, Les.’

  I squeeze her and tell her it will be all right, but it’s not what I think. I’m scared too, and I just want to feel safe. Why would someone kill Jane? I bet she never hurt anyone.

  I say goodbye and Jonesy goes off to the school and I walk towards the bus stop to wait for the next bus. The other three grammar school kids come and stand with me. I don’t talk to them, but I do listen in to their conversation to see if they know anything that I haven’t heard. Ronnie says to Daniel, ‘Why did they have to kill a pretty girl? There’s plenty of ugly girls round here we wouldn’t have missed.’

  Amanda Bell, the other girl who gets the bus, tuts. She looks at me as if to say, ‘These two are idiots.’ I nod in agreement, but we don’t say anything – she’s fourteen, so I’m usually too scared to talk to her.

  When the bus comes, we all get on and sit in our separate areas. Daniel doesn’t even look at me. It’s like yesterday’s conversation never happened.

  9

  I go to the grammar school in town. I go because I passed my qualifying exam, or qualy as we call it, last year. I was so happy to pass it I could have cried. I studied hard for it and it was worth it. The others in my room took it too but didn’t pass. Jonesy didn’t expect to pass, but she was still happy for me.

  Shona was less happy for me. The school told her she had passed her exam, then a week later they told her they had made a mistake and that she hadn’t. She was so angry. She blamed me for it. It wasn’t my fault she didn’t pass or that they mucked up the marking but that didn’t matter to her. They wouldn’t let her take the exam again either, they said their decision was final. For months she wouldn’t speak to me and she tried to turn the others against me. It was awful.

  In the end I was the only one in my year who did pass the exam. I knew what it would mean; I knew I would have to go to a different school, but I knew it would be a better school, for brighter kids, with fewer dafties and people who didn’t want to be there.

  I never told anyone, but I didn’t find the exams that hard. I pretended it was impossible, as did all the others. They wouldn’t like it if they knew. If anything, I like exams, I like the questions, figuring them out and getting to the answers is just the best feeling. Like when you think it’s impossible, then you look at it again and it all becomes clear.

  Sometimes I can’t get an answer, and when that happens the question just sticks in my head. Sometimes I will be doing something totally different and the answer will pop in. It’s too late by then but it’s nice that my brain carries on trying to work it out while I have moved onto something else.

  Going to the grammar school means I have to work a lot harder, I have more homework and I have to travel for an hour there and back. I am fine with all these things as I know why I am doing it. I am getting smarter, learning more and I’m enjoying it, though again I would never let anyone know that.

  On Sundays we sometimes have religious quizzes at the Homes. Everyone has to work together as a cottage. If you get an answer right, you get a point. If you win you get lots of sweets for the cottage. I study hard for the quizzes too. I get lots of the questions right even though there are much older girls in our cottage. When we win Shona is happy enough to eat the sweets but deep down I think she still doesn’t like me.

  Because I go to the grammar school, my day is different to the others in my cottage. My school is ten miles away, and when I get up I am the only one who has to put on a school uniform. No one else has to, as they go to the school in the grounds.

  My uniform is a white blouse with a tie that is black, red and yellow. I have to wear a grey skirt and a black blazer. It’s hard wearing the uniform at the Homes as you stand out and it makes you a target for kids to shout at when you walk past.

  I have to get downstairs and have my breakfast quick. My job in the morning is to make the porridge for the house, so I get in the kitchen early with Cook and get that going as soon as I can. I eat mine, then get my bag and head off to the bus stop.

  The bus is a Garner’s bus, cream on top with the bottom half cherry red. You can see the top cream half above the hedges as it makes its way down to our bus stop. If you miss it you might have to wait another half-hour for the next one so I always make sure I’m early.

  We are the last and first stop on the bus route so when we get on there are no other people. They get on later, but when we get on it’s just us four Homes kids and the driver. The driver is often the same man who will say hello to us. He doesn’t say hello to other passengers, so I wonder if he feels sorry for us because of where we come from. The bus takes us to the railway station and then we get the train to town, and walk on to the school.

  School finishes at 3.40 p.m., then it’s train and bus back, and I get back to the Homes about 6.15. Everyone in our house eats at 5 p.m. so Cook usually puts some food aside for me. It’s a long day but it’s worth it and even when it’s tough I am still grateful that I get to go there every day instead of the Homes school.

  Jonesy can’t believe some of the stuff they teach us at the grammar school. The chemistry stuff is amazing; they never teach anything like that at the Homes school. It’s fascinating and you come back with your head full of facts and ideas. Maths is my favourite; I absolutely love it. If I had my way I would do maths all day every day. If I have maths homework I do it on the train as I can’t wait to get home to do it. There’s something so complete about it, when you get it right, you are right, and there’s that feeling when you land upon the answer and you just know you’ve cracked it.

  But more than that, there’s a moment when you are doing a maths problem and you are so involved in it, and concentrating so hard, that there’s nothing else in the world except the problem; no bullies at the Homes, no mum who abandoned you, no girls gossiping or saying things about you, no people judging you because you come from where you come from, just you and the problem and for a wonderful moment nothing else exists.

  We are doing quadratic equations at the moment. I love algebra. When you crack the challenge there’s a moment of joy that you’ve got it, you solved it, you beat it, but it’s also followed by a moment of sadness that you are back in the real world, but that’s all right because there’s always another problem to solve.

  10

  I am in the cottage kitchen after school eating my tea, whilst Jonesy is running through her thoughts out loud.

  ‘Why would someone kill her?’ she says.

  ‘Whit?’

  ‘That Jane girl, why would anyone want her deid?’